.. secrets du coeur ..

2006-07-29T03:29:00.000+10:00

"I love you the most, what."

Endless sleepless nights of high moods,
accompanied with heart-felt talks, craps & everything under moon..

Waking up to the qns of "Are you ok, dear?"
Settles & calms my heart for the day.

Today.. =)) Perfect sun!! & weather!!
Perfect timing to be lying on the grass patch,
just lazing & slacking.

Beautiful day to start of with..
Accompanied with "I-love-you-the-most-what" girl.

Slacking & working @ Borders.
Plugged in with sexual, erotic songs for Ads inspirations!
O we're all so sexual creatures. Tsktsk.

I absolutely love today.

Till Death Do Us Apart.

2006-07-27T03:20:00.000+10:00

Till Death Do Us Apart.

____________________________________

My inner most desire - Pain.
My inner most obsession - Blood.

Anger. Sorrow. Pain. Fear. Choices. Risks.
Tears. Emotions. Numbed. Lost. Insanity.
Obsessions. Complications. Strange. Abnormal.

Fear destorys the heart.

2006-07-24T17:00:00.000+10:00

Was sitting by the river,
embracing the simplicity of life.
Nature's gift of the sun.
Today's weather was fantastic.
So I sat by the river, just admiring the sun, the river & the nature.
Somehow, everything looked perfect.
Right at that place & that particular moment.
Wanted to embrace the simplicity & wonders of nature's life.
Before I face up to the cold & hard-up reality.
In which would be brought upon by a phonecall.

A call that might either break apart everything,
or, bring it all up to the next level.
A call that holds the answers to my heart, my faith, my hope.
A call that proves me right or wrong.
A call that says it all of how much I mean to her.

I'm literally feeling the edge of my life.
Writing continuous thoughts of what THE verdict would be.
Filling the white paper page with inks of psycho-ing thoughts to myself.
Trembling in utter fear, as I watched the minutes go by..

Will I have the strength to take it..?
Will it all break me apart again..?
I'm scared. Really scared.

2006-07-20T00:18:00.000+10:00

You don't know me.
Nor, do I know you.

2006-07-19T03:33:00.000+10:00

Simplicity of a friendship.
Love that holds so strong.
Support that lasts.
Memories that will nv be replaced.
No differences of whatsoever.
Only the best love, support & company one could have.

Shopping & eating sprees, late night stay-overs.
Endless conversations of almost anything.
Crying & laughing on each other shoulders.
Whinings, singing, fighting....

I miss my Kelly.
My pillar of support, my lady of strength.

Darling, hang in there. *Huggies*
Your strength will find you soon.

2006-07-13T02:32:00.000+10:00

"I need you to trust and believe me when I tell you, that my heart is with you. A part of me feels like ever since we got back together, you've just been waiting... waiting to push me away. I love you, I don't know how else to say it."

"How about you show it. I'm not pushing you away, I'm holding on for dear life but I need you to need me back. Why won't you ever just let me all the way in?"

Sydney Trip!

2006-07-13T01:09:00.000+10:00

Moments taken from my Sydney Trip..!

Shots of me doing.. erm.. almost everything.

Natalie & me! I was told I looked like a total guy. -_-"
Okies, look punk-ish can?

My spiritual family I love & totally adore. =))

Trish, Eunice, Moi & Chloe..

The ulitmate gang of shades posers!!! Wahaha..

Having our $5 pasta meal @ Bondi Junction.

Me, Chloe, Jo & Steven.

At the breathing taking Bondi Beach.
Did I mention I lurve my height?? HAHA.
Okies, it's just the uneven ground la..

Leaving on a jet plane.. Back to Melbourne!
Home sweet home.. Aww...

More pixies coming up! Stay tuned! =))

Broken.

2006-07-12T15:40:00.000+10:00

I'm broken.
I fell into pieces.
I nv wanna give up.
'Cause I believe it will last.
'Cause I believe it will survive through this.
But, she gave up hope on trying.
She gave up hope on us.
Is there no other chances of turning back...?
Is there no other tries for another shot of happiness?

I don't want. I don't wanna leave. Again.
I wanna stay.. I wanna keep trying...
I'll go thru this again & again..
Just to give it another try.. Just to give us another shot.
Won't you try...

I'll always be waiting.

I don't know what am I doing.
I'm broken.

2006-07-12T05:00:00.000+10:00

And so i guess, maybe, it ended.
Just like that.

crazybeautiful.

2006-07-12T04:01:00.000+10:00

My CrazyBeautiful.

Those 2 days back in S'pore.
Unexpected, unforeseen, unpredicted.
My version of crazybeautiful.

Whether it will last? It's another question.
Then again, happiness's usually shortlived.

I'll lurve, treasure & hold on to every moment of it,
while it last.

Hillsongs!

2006-07-12T03:44:00.000+10:00

I'm finally o-so-dearly back home in none other than my Melbourne.
Yep.. Back from S'pore + Sydney.
The last 8 days spent @ Sydney was ...
Nothing else but an experience not to be forgettable.
Hillsongs Conference! Rawks my toes, ears & my fingers!
It's a blast.. totally. Esp. during worship.

Although.. most of it was absolutely hectic.
First 5 days was waking up @ 6-7am, reaching home @ midnight.
Conference, services & elective sessions & worship were like.. 9am - erm.. 10pm.
DAILY, yesh i tell u.. it was worse than JC days.
I slpt thru practically for all the services.
4 hrs of slp daily didn't help at all.
Made me NOT LIKE the city of Sydney.
And for once I missed Melbourne.

But, ultimately, I like what I experienced there.
My Love for God only grew closer. =))
Worshipping with a hundred thousand ppl..
All stand for the name of God, and nothing else.
Jumping in joy, bringing the whole Arena down with rawking music..
Woo.. Blew me away..

Some pixes taken from the Arena stadium..

For the finale night, they threw huge balloons to "ra-ra" the crowd.
And everyone went LITERALLY high!!
Dancing & rawking to the fantastic booming music for the Love of God.
=)) Coolios!

Leaving once again.

2006-07-01T15:06:00.000+10:00

Life can be awfully unexpected. Unpredictable.
So unexpected to the extent, it blows you away.
LITERALLY. Yes, it did. For the few couple of days...
I broke the rules, I did the impossible.
We made it happen & realise nothing changed abit.
Not the least of it.

The night till dawn..
Tears, hugs & kisses.
Laughter, cries & words of Love.
I fell in Love, once again.
The moment our eyes met,
the world around us, stopped. For us.

And I said, imperfections could be made to perfections,
as long as the L word stays in both.
I might be blinded by it all.
I might be mislead by it once again.
I ain't very sure of what I'm getting myself into.
But I know one thing for sure,
it's the reason that have kept me going all this while.
And I'll nv wanna to stop.
'Cause I'll nv stop loving.

I wouldn't give up, like I said from Day 1.
And I'd say it again and again..
I'll not give up,
'cause I know for sure there's more to it than what we've both created.
And if I do love enough, waiting abit wouldn't kill.
At least this time round, it wouldn't.
I hope I'm not deceiving myself. Maybe I am.
And if it all falls apart, I'll only have myself to blame.
'Cause I made it happen.
'Cause I broke the rules.

what a nua-ing day.

2006-06-28T21:42:00.000+10:00

I miss my threesome.
____________________________

I'm not OK!!! =( Hrmp!!
Feeling so nua-ed & sian sian sian!!
It was supposed to be a fulfilling day of shopping!
But it all turned out so sian...
I bought stuffies.. but I forced myself to buy them.
'Cause there's nothing that appeals to me at all!!
Where's the shopping fanatic spirit in me!!
Gawd, what the hell is wrong with me.....

Things I bought for.. absolutely no reasons.
1. Levi's Jeans.
2. Black heel-ish flip-flops (or whatever u call them).
3. France Jersey top from NewUrbanMale.
4. Fluff pouch.
5. Stationery.
6. Contact Lenses.

Barely slpt 5 hrs today.
Came home at like 6.30amthis morn.
My bro was already having his breakie!!
Omg. I dozed off at shir's la, after the Spain vs France match.
Bleahz. I think I'm falling sick, after this World Cup craze.

I'm farking missing the impossible.
I so NEED to drown it all away tonight.
____________________________

Cut me, lemme me bleed.
Wound me, lemme me die.

I think I'm farking outta my mind already.

Who knew.

2006-06-28T01:06:00.000+10:00

... I'll keep you locked in my head,

Until we meet again.

That "Last of Everything".

I'll hold on to it.

Until we meet again.

Who knew ...

2006-06-27T21:28:00.000+10:00

Life has been a total blast since I got back.
At least with all the people I love around me 24/7.
Amazingly, no naggings abt staying out till 6am in the morn..
for World Cup~! Almost every night actually, at Shir's.
Accompanied by Shir bro dearie, Vien & B.H.
Late night suppers @ Geylang during e 2hr break b4 the 3a.m matches.
O man, I'm so gonna miss the company.
So so terribly badly.

Driving my new baby has been absolutely fab!
Getting sick of driving everywhere tho.
Parking kills!! Haha. Other than that.. everything's A-ok.

Drinking nights, holding hands along Clarke Quay,
tears & huggies with my lesbian love partnerS..
My version of threesome.. Kel, Van & me. Ah haha.
Stay-overs, corny jokes & weird drawings.
Pain-inflicting-stomach laughters..
my responsibility of taking care of that 2 drunkards.
O I love them no more than anyone else.

Yeah, Van left last night to Aussie.
I was there to send her off.
And I blardy cried when I hugged her so tightly la.
Why issit so~ When I'm gonna like see her SO SOON.
Okie, i think it's just the atmosphere & all.
So she's safe & sound over there already.
Brave the cold, dear! U'll A-okie! I'll be there soon!

Shopping, retail therapy tml. Like finally.
O my gawd, I can't wait. I need tons & tons of erm.. stuffies?
If that helps. Ha.

Another sleepless night spent at shir's later.
Brazil vs Ghana & France vs Spain!
I root Brazil... & France, but of cos.
Laters!
_________________________

Walking the familiars,
Watching the days flash pass..
Missing the strange and unfamiliar..
Stares of the endless emptiness of what's left in me.
Wonders & ponders of a beginning or an end.

What's with people these days,

Who doesn't fight for the will to gain true happiness?

The courage and guts to fight for what they truly desire.

Where's e ... "Love's everything in life I only & ever respect."

Down with the fight, down with the L.O.V.E.

Straight isn't normal, it's just common.

2006-06-19T19:55:00.000+10:00

Straight isn't normal, it's just common.

leaving on a jet plane

2006-06-18T22:52:00.000+10:00

Chantal Kreviazuk's Leaving on a Jet Plane.

Van baby! This's for you.
Hate it that I can't be there at ur "Kiss me & smile for me" farewell.
Ugh.. Yeah u had to plan it when I can't make it.
Sent me an invitation of it on purpose too! Ugh..
O wells, I'm sure everyone's having fun there.
Since out of everyone over there,
I'll be the only one who's gonna see you here.
So I shan't be greedy. Ha.

Treat me with tender loving care.
With the rounds of baliey's you owe me,
And I shall throw a big dinner treat in too. =)

If not...
NO Tender Loving Care from me,
when you get ur butt over here!!

Facial day.

2006-06-17T21:11:00.000+10:00

I went for facial today!
O pampering for my face, finally.
After days of sleep loss & exam stress..
Tho. I'm still in the mist of exams la.
Haha. A lil' pampering wouldn't kill right?
Not like it helps actually, cos I didn't sleep AGAIN last nite.
I'm officially down with my exam-insomnia again. Bleahz.
It's killing me day & night..! Argh..

On the lighter note, I was watching Nip/Tuck earlier.
Slacking as usual, what exams man. Ha.
And it was a pretty interesting episode tho.

This lady has a "female circumcision" as a young child.
Due to her country's really weird tradition of having to cut off women's clitoris!
Gosh, they thought having it is immoral, unclean, blah blah..
Stupid culture & tradition.
So she wants to have it re-done.
She needs to CUM. Ha.
She waited 10 years for this.
Know where did they get the "whatever thing" or piece of meat for her clitoris..?
Her toes... -_- Yep, her 2nd little toe!?!

And they really did cut off her toe.. HAHAHA.
Okies, den one of the doc decided to "heal" her by sleeping wit her right.
So as to see if the operation was successful & if she could cum again.
And.. after half an hour of "hmm, eating her" down there.
Erm, she didn't cum. And she was totally devastated.

Next day, they did a check up on it again.
Prolly some nerves & sensitivity problems.
The lady nurse told her that she needs to love herself in order to "feel" it.
Uh huh, so she made herself cum right there!
How interesting. She was crying.. Like that kinda crying in pain..
And told the docs that it was absolutely amazing..
Said, "it was like God was waking up inside of me".
Diu... -_- What a way to describe it la.
"Such joy, it's nothing compared to the soul.."
Ah?.. haha..
Okies, maybe it's cos she hasn't cum before la huh.
That's why.

Okies, enuffing of cuming shit. haha.
I'm done with crapping already. Laters!

My obsession. I like.

2006-06-15T23:24:00.000+10:00

My obsession. I like.

Blood..

Pain.

Fasination. Fetish. Neurosis.
I like. I lust.

___________________________

SonyEricsson K610i.

When issit blardy coming out!!!
UGH.. I'm getting freaking impatient & paranoid LAR.
___________________________

Psst! ... I went SHOPPING... AGAIN.
And... I got my 4th pair of boots. How shitty freaking issit.
And I tot Mom was gonna have my head when she called.

"SO the is no. what pair already??"
"4th? HEEHEE. I got it at Sale though? I'm helping you punish Daddy ma."
"My gawd, you're like a princess HUH."
"ERM. Of course la. Your princess ma."
(AH hahahahahaha.) =))

The Forbidden Touch

2006-06-12T18:32:00.000+10:00

The Forbidden Touch.

________________________________

Her:"When we kiss,
When we really kiss, I can feel how much you want me.
Why can't we just be together?"

"It's complicated."

Her:"It shouldn't be. Not when you love somebody."
________________________________

Her:What could be worse than losing the person you love?

Nothing.

________________________________

Hmm.. Monday Blues? Nahz!
I had my first paper today.
Criminology & Media..! Yeap.
Paper was A-okie la.
I'm just really lucky.
Thank God, for His strength & guidance! =)

TGIF for lunch @ Chapel, Jam Factory.
Finally, a good & fulfilling meal.
After days & nights of instant noodles, canned food & microwavable food.
Eewww.. Sad huh. Pathetic huh.
Luckily, it's only for the exam period.
If it's not for Raymes' Restaurant 99 @ Whiteman St,
I'll be dead. Ha.

So anyways, from a good lunch, to window shopping..!
HEHE! Ya, as if I finished my exams right. YA I KNOW.
But from, "Keep the 10bucks for bks, instead of buying chicken!"
Quoted from Dr Munroe, from Sunday's service.
To.. erm. Spending almost 184bucks at CK's Sale.
Oopsie. Hehe. Yeah i know.
O wells, it's sale! And I could resist, as usual.

Anyways, my sista just underwent her teeth implants on Sat.
The bravest girl I ever ever know.
She has missing teeth, you see.
So she had to have teeth implants to get a complete set.
A jab of Anestheisa, all the process started.
(She could be put to unconsicous state, but it cost $800 to employ a doc to do that.)
She refused to go for that.

The surgeon cut her gums to the depth that reached her jaw bone.
SCREWED the screws into her gum with A DRILL.
Fark man. When Mom told me, I cringed in pain & fear.
Omg, can you imagine the PAIN!?
SO yes, 2 screws were drilled one by one into her gums & on her bone.
Stitched her gums up and she was done.
Now she has to wait for a wk till the stitch could be taken off.
Then, the teeth implants were be fixed onto the screw.

The best thing is, she was eating solid food the next moment already.
I can't consume veg or bite apple, each time I tightened my braces.
Look at her... Amazing. And she said it wasn't pain at all.
It was just the vibration & the sound of the drill that gave her a bad headache.
One teeth implant cost $3k lehz. 2... 6k lehz!!
Omg!!!! imagine the amt of shopping I can do!!
Ok ok!! I know i know.. I'm such a freak. Ha.
But.. gosh, my mom was just comparing me to her.

My tolerance of pain - 0.1/10
My sister's - 10/10.
I'm serious. Yeah, I take after my dad for that.
She takes after my mum.
That brave ger of mine. I root her man!! I do!

world cup!

2006-06-10T04:06:00.000+10:00

World Cup officially starts today!!
WooHoo! Finally O finally!
My craze's gonna start again.
I root Brazil!!! Always did & always will!!
Didn't catch the first match b/w Germany & Costa Rica.
Not interested la.

Japan, Korea, Brazil, France & England!
Yeah.. I root them. =))
Let the craze begun, baby!!

So AGAIN, what exams? Huh?
Ah hahahahahahaha.
Shuddup Mel & STUDY!!

awakening.

2006-06-09T15:48:00.000+10:00

It's 3.45PM.. Yep. I just wakie.
Gawd, the whole morn I tried pulling myself outta bed,
I couldn't move an inch AT ALL.
My whole bod didn't even had the energy to move.
I swear I wakie for like 4 - 5 times.
But I headed back to bed each time.
Wth la. But, I guess I slpt ENUFF.
Ha. I'm such a pig!!

So, abt last night..
Yeah, I slpt it all away.
I'm ok already.

Just before I slpt, I was thinking abt all of it.
I know this sounds pretty weird,
but i rem a prayer I made couple days ago.
And I realised, it came 'cause I asked for it.
It was allowed to happen, 'cause I wanted it too.

So I woke up realising..
I think I know more than what I should know.
I prayed about it so much, it's more than I should've prayed for.
I'm just absolutely blessed that every single thing I pray for,
it comes straight away, it happens right smack in my face, or rather my heart.
So, Yes. I got it all.

Why such a drastic reaction right?
Yeah, I asked myself this just earlier when I wakie.
I don't know also. Ha.
At least not till I realised, I did ask for it.
______________________________________________________

I need retail therapy..
I need an absolutely fantastic meal..
Everything to pamper me today.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2006-06-09T04:11:00.000+10:00

It's almost 4am.
I'm farking stoned now.
I farking cried stoned tears (Yes Van, I know what's stoned tears now.)
It was just too unexpected.

I was just too dazed, feeling nothing.
Till, everything sunk in.
I felt as if..
Everything frm 1 1/2 yrs ago, to e last 5 mths of pain, hell & shit...
All raked up. All dug up.
Dug up from the deepest grave of my memories.

Just smth so unexpected,
could play a part in wrecking the sudden peace in my life.
I'm tired, really.

Yes, I read your message.
Thanks for your concern & all.
Right now, I really don't know what to say.
Or what am I suppose to say or comment or whatsoever.
I think I'm just really stoned.
That's all.

________________________________________

Eunice, thanks for picking up my call.
Thanks for listening.
And most of all your prayers.. =)
I know His strength.. It's beyond anything.

Des'ree - Kissing You.

2006-06-08T18:12:00.000+10:00

One of my fav. songs of all time.
Romeo & Juliet's Theme Song.
Kissing You by Des'ree.
__________________________________________________

2006-06-08T01:13:00.000+10:00

Currently having my usual chitty-chatting session with Mommy!
And i get extremely excited when we reach the Shopping part!
I'm all at smiles already la!! =))
Her friend's at Paris. Am crossing my fingers!!
Hoping she'd find the Prada bag I want.

Mommy's passing me her Chloe bag!
She thinks it's blardy heavy.
Omg.. I'm so thrilled.
Okies okies, i'm a shopaholic freak i know.
Hello, genes from my mother, but of cos.

On a "scarier" note, (HAHA, ok lame i know.)
I caught The Omen today..
I'll give it... 3 popcorns out of 5!

Exams? What exams man!? Huh?
I'm doomed la seriously. Haha..
Still can shop & watch movie. Kill me. Seriously!!

Lemme sidetrack abit.. (*evil laughters*) Haha..

My new shopping list.

A Pair of new shades.
Khaki skinny jeans or pants.
SonyEricsson K610i in Evening Red.
Pair of boots. (I know! but 3 isn't enough. I'm mad la.)
Watch. (It's a NEED.)
Converse sneakers! (Loads of them!!)
Lacoste/Ralph Polo Tees.
Skirts!

Aiya, it's never ending.
I'll come up with smth even if there's nothing. Wth la.

Things NEED to be done! (after exams)

cut off my tresses - at its longest, thinking of cutting it to its shortest.
get my 5 yr old braces off my jailed teeth - Yes, his longest surviving patient.
FULL mani & pedi.
Suntanning!!
Shopping!! (Duh.)
Lazing at home with my family.
Driving, driving & more driving!
Catching up with my peeps!
Start reading e 13!! books I bought - they're dead to e world on my shelf.

Missing Mommy & Daddy terribly..

Jay Chou's Shan Hui Hai

2006-06-05T23:16:00.000+10:00

Death of the un-retreivable

2006-06-05T14:49:00.000+10:00

Death of the un-retreivable.

R.I.P
In Loving Memory of
the still memories of the un-retreivable
2004 - 2006
_________________________

Ended the night with the flow of memories,
passing through my mind.
I admit that I've been falling in & out of missing her, lately.
The night killed my sleep literally, till almost 7am this morning.
Felt as if I didn't sleep a wink at all.

Woke up to the death of it all.
Realised I've been living too much a life of delusion.
Jailing my heart with the past, hopes, wishes & prayers.
Staining my days with the imperfection of my past.
Sinning my thoughts with creation of memories that are not meant to be.

'It' has become something of the 'nothingness'.
Yes I know it has.
I'm just delusional, that's all.
___________________________________________

It's been 3 days since I've officially fallen sick.
And this morning, I woke with a cough added to my flu & sore throat.
And it always always happens right before exams.
I'm think i'm officially jinxed. Ha.
O wells, I'll live.

Pussycat Dolls - Tainted Love.
Cassie ft. Ray J - You & Me.
Tamia - Officially Missing You.

officially missing you.

2006-06-04T14:39:00.000+10:00

I thought I could escape it all.
But, I've fronted long enough to know,
There ain't no way.
Can't nobody do it like you.

~~I'mofficiallymissingyou.~~

Happy birthday Trish!!

2006-06-03T22:12:00.000+10:00

Happy birthday! =))

My dearest Trish aka Queen B baby!!

Happy 21st birthday!!!

Nothing special, hope you like this collage,
of all the memories we all created together.
From Year 2004 - the present, 2006!

You've been a absolutely fantastic friend!
Keep that smile on babe! Loveya!

Loads of love, Mellie. =))
______________________________

Introducing my new baby....

Daddy's just sent me a pixie of my new baby!!
It arrived today. =))
Now, it's home safe & sound!
Ah hahaha!
See the number plate? 20?
Dad bought my birthday date.
Though it's missing an 8 for August.
But, he said it's much cool-er that it's just 2 numbers.
So yeah. WAHAHAHA....

O smile wit me, baby!!
What should I name her... Hmm!!

2006-06-02T02:30:00.000+10:00

The greatest distance on earth is not between life & death,
but yet when I stand in front of you,
and you still don't know that I love you...

X-Men 3!!

2006-05-31T00:48:00.000+10:00

X-men 3! I finally caught it.
I was thrilled and all excited for it.
But it ended up quite a disappointment.
I can't believe the most powerful one of all, Jean Grey died!!
Goodness, with just one stab.
Erm. talking abt the most powerful. Gracious.
And.. Professor X died too.
Ugh.. How could they!!

I expected more from them.
X-men 2 was so much better.
O btw, did you guess stay til the end of the credits?
If you didn't, lemme tell ya!!
There was like a 10 sec scene..
And apparently, Professor X is alive!
Woohoo! At least one of my fav characters didn't die after all.

So yeah, I can see.. that in X-men 4,
Professor X and Magneto will be boggerheads all over again.
'Cause we suspected that the "cure" for mutants isn't permanent.
Like Duh!! if not that's like the end of X-men la.
Ah hahahaha.

Okies, enuff of my crap..
Next stop!
- Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift.
- The Omen.

tears at the river.

2006-05-30T00:41:00.000+10:00

Cry me a river.

I was walking along the river,
the cold was beating me down.
Wang Lee Hom's Ai Cuo was still on repeat mode.
Unexpectedly, it came.

With just the sight of the numbers,
they were enough to break me apart.
Once again, I shuddered.
That familiar heat filled me.
Blurred vision...
Then, it all came flowing.
The hot tears burnt my cheeks in the cold.

By the river side, I sat down.
Staring into the darkness ahead of me,
I did nothing but cried for 15.
I prayed for His strength.

Picked myself up,
I forced it all away, as I walked.
It didn't stop.
Then, I gave up trying and let it fall.
___________________________________

I jail the past in my heart.
I sin my thoughts by creating memories that are not meant to be.
I stain my days with the imperfections of my past.

I'm living an absolute delusion.

I like girls. In general.

2006-05-29T17:40:00.000+10:00

I like girls. Jus girls, in general.

Yeap. It's girls & jus girls in general.
Nothin' else than that. =))
ah hahaha.
We, girls, are jus hot hot lil' things.
Curves, smoothies, sensual lil' creatures.
I Like!!

Carmen de la Pica Morales

Shane

Jessica Alba.

i slipped.

2006-05-28T14:16:00.000+10:00

I slipped & fell.

Woke up feeling stoned e 1st time in the longest time.
Realised the dream I lived in e night before.
Refusing to get outta bed.
iPod plugged in, Wang Lee Hom's Ai Cuo, playing on repeat mode.
For the last 1/2 hr, I was searching remains of that dream.
As if it was the last memories I had of - .
I watched myself, fantically searching my mind,
of what's left in that dream.. And then, I fell.
Pillow was stained. Again.
And it has stained the day.

I fear, that the dream might jus come true.
I fear it might. And seriously, it might jus happen.
I fear my dreams. Alot.
'Cause they DO happen in reality.

I held on to Minkie's hands so tightly.
as I allowed myself to fall again.
I kept telling myself how much I don't wanna cry anymore.
And I kept reminding myself how happy I've been lately.
And that the strength I've been living with.
I don't wanna cry... I can't.

In dazed & in tears, I did a nose rub with Minkie.

I miss nose-rubbing.

Wang Lee Hom.

2006-05-25T01:00:00.000+10:00

My can't-get-sick-of-it current obsession. =)

Need not say a thing right.
'Cause he's darn-the-cute.
'Cause he plays the piano, guitar, violin, er hu & many more.
which doesn't make it any better la, seriously.
'Cause he has one of the best voice,
Plus song-writing talents..
Plus he grew up in the States.
Plus, he has an english name I like. =)
Okies, I know I'm so-full-of-him.
Sheesh!! I better stop.
______________________________

Okies, enuff of that.
I've smth to confess....
I'm getting FAT. Like F.A.T!!
When was that word ever in my dictionary?!
But, unfortunately, it has to be added to my dictionary of words.
'Cause I'm really putting on weight,
at the wrong-est places!!
I've a tummy know.. I do now!!
ARGH. I need a tummy tuck. hahaha.
And it's not like I actually look like I put on weight lor.
Darn it.

I mean it's good that i'm gaining weight.
'Cause everyone complains I'm too skinny or I'm 2-Dimensional.
Hahaha..
Each time I weigh myself at Eunice's.
I'd jump up & down in joy, announcing to the world..
"Omg!! I put on another 1 kg!" OR
"OMG!! I'm like 44kg now!??!"

Time to do crunches & work out le.
Plus e fact that now, there's the car, no walking..
it's either I'm driving or I'm being driven.
SO! no walking to train stations or tram stops!
OMG. I'm such a lazy ass now.
HAHA.

Wang Lee Hom - Forever Love.

2006-05-22T13:55:00.000+10:00

The one & only guy that I'm totally mad about.
Mulit-talented, fantastic voice & great looks!!
My version of perfection in my life of imperfections.

This song, this video...
Lyrics that means more than just words.

Wang Lee Hom's Forever Love.

Unwanted Obsessions.

2006-05-20T02:50:00.000+10:00

I know I'm supposed to be sleeping now..
'Cause it's almost 3am in the morning.
But I'm still high on sugar after pancakes..
And hooked on Youtube.com officially.
Been watching MVs for the past hr or so.
Haha... Oops.

O wells, since I'm free..
Another obsession added on my list.
Uncovered & forbidden.
Wahaha.

Do you know I have a fascination for...

Vampires.

Yep. I actually have quite a big liking for them.
Absolutely DARK, gothic, mysterious...
Life-sucking, blood-rising...
Absolutely erotic. Ah haha..
No. I don't have a sexual fetish for them.
They just have this charm & appeal to me...

Draws me to them mysteriously.
That particular attraction,
increases & arouses my curiousity.
And I never wanna stop wanting to know more.

They've that particular unknown force,
that draws humans to them.
And yep, that absolutely applies to me.
Blows me away...

when it all falls apart.

2006-05-15T15:36:00.000+10:00

Home it is, I decided this morning.
I think I'm outta my house too much already.
Late nights almost 5am sometimes.
Stay-overs like almost every week.
I'm hardly even home at all.
Parents were wondering where do I actually stay.
Ha. And it seems I'm paying rent for nothing. Ha..

A new pair of boots added to my shoe rack.
Now I have 3 pairs. Gawd. But I'm loving it.
And a whole load of jumpers added to my jumper collection.
Retail therapy going bonkers already!

Funny & weird fact I found out.
If you watch all of Tom Cruise's movies,
you'll realise that when he cries right?
He only cries with his left eye, and only his left eye.
He might be tearing alot.. but only from that eye know?
His right eye right.. fills with no emotions.
I noticed that a while ago in his previous films.
and Esp after catching Mi-3, it's even more obvious.

Ha. I wondered is that one of his ways of being different in acting...?
Or erm.. I dunno!? It's jus weird.
Maybe, his tear gland for his right eye.. does not exist?
Ha. Okies. I'm crapping I know.

June & July are gonna be packed packed packed!
Travelling up & down, right & left. Ha..
But okies la. It's good! I'm loving my life like this.
Absolutely no strings attached.
____________________________________________

"Everything is fed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart.
Gotta pick myself up, where do I start.
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart..."

2006-05-15T02:26:00.000+10:00

The living stain.

Tonight, I realised,
how hard it is to make others believe in you.
To have that lil' faith in you.
Even the closest ones, have doubts in you.
And it breaks my heart,
that some thinks of me that way.

That no matter how hard or how far I've gotten,
it doesn't make difference.
To them, at least.

And because of that, it means so much more to know,
that among all, at least..
Just at least one knows that u've gotten this far,
believes in every single step you've made.
And no matter how far u've gotten,
you'll still fall, and it's ok to fall.
'Cause you'll climb up.
'Cause you'll get better.

Yes, I probably have that only 1 or 2 who believe in me.
But at least they do, and i know they wouldn't give up on me.
'Cause I'll not keep trying.
'Cause I'll not give up.

Yes, I did say all I said last night, stayed in last night.
But, I'm sorry tonight's another last night.
I'm sorry tonight's gonna be another night of tears.

I'm gonna sleep it off.
I'm gonna wet my pillow with these tears.
Maybe, just maybe...
Tml wouldn't be another last night or tonight.

another fall.

2006-05-13T23:49:00.000+10:00

I'm not okay.
I'm blurred out the entire night.
Totally stoned.

And it's just tonight.
'Cause I'll only allow it for tonight.

I'll allow tears to fall..
Endlessly, silently, painfully...

It fucking hurts all over again.
For the longest time, I'm feeling absolutely..
Strengthless. Rock bottom.
And I don't know why.

It can't just be another one of those falls..
It feels different.
'Cause this time, I'm with no strength, no answer, no end to tears..

I wish Mommy's here.
'Cause I wish I could cry it all in her arms.
'Cause I wish I could have her by my side while I sleep tonight.
'Cause I so very need her strength right now..

Issit true anymore?

2006-05-13T17:50:00.000+10:00

I found out smth, yet again.
It got me really stoned for the past 15mins.
And I dunno what to do,
Or what it meant at all.

In regards to my previous entry,
whatever I found out made me question..

Does it still lasts...?

Just 15mins ago,
I was a firm believer that it would.
But now, I don't know.

My vision just totally blurred out..
I could once again feel that familiar heat arising within me.
I...

Won't you tell me?

True Love.

2006-05-10T22:15:00.000+10:00

The L word.

I haven't yet admit that Love is one of my life's obsession.
Yes, it has always been, still is & will always be.
To some, it may be sad that Love's the 1st priority in their lives.
'Cause it could bring you all the way up to "Heaven",
But yet it could also bring you down to rock bottom "Hell".

It's utterly unpredictable, mind-wrecking & heart-wrenching.
But yet it's hard not to submerge your whole life into it.
Be it is for God, for friends, family, past love or someone,
Love takes up each and every one of our lives, indefinitely, without a doubt.

I've got this quote,

"Love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds."
-Shakespeare's Sonnet 116.

When life gets hard, when things changed,
True Love remains the same, in every way.
Even if all fails, it'll still live a life within your heart.

I believe you only truly, deeply, unconditionally fall in love,
only once in your life.
It's hard to believe, but once you fall for it,
It stays in your heart & it lives on.

It's only Love, when the hard gets harder,
and when the pain gets unbearable.

It's only Love, when all's broken,
But itself lives and all it takes to live is the heart.

It lives on, even when 2 aren't together.
the fact that it survives through heartbreaks & broken ends,
it proves that it's True Love.

You were the only one who kept me sane in a crazy way.

2006-05-06T02:44:00.000+10:00

You were the only one who kept me sane,
in the craziest way.

Complains.

2006-05-05T00:12:00.000+10:00

Ahh.. I so need to whine..
I hate ironing!!
I've nv ironed for the past 1 1/2 years when I'm here.
And I don't know why this semester I've to iron my clothes??
And it's only 4 tops, and i'm complaining big time.
I wonder how my maid iron the whole family's worth of clothes?!
Omg.. *faints!*
I miss my mummy!!
'Cause she helps to iron them when she's here.
Haha.. And my maid.. =(
I miss my royalty treatment back home!!
I've one more clothing to go.. Ugh..

Kelly! Guess what, my obsession for e-bay shopping...
Have increased from 5 bags to 8!!!
Omg! I'm so obsessed. But YESH, i'm gonna stop there.
8... that's more than the no. of days per week!! (Shit..)
I'm such a shopaholic... like my mommy.
O like mother like daughter. Tsktsk.
O wells, but bidding doesn't mean I'll get all of them right?
haha.. BUT i SO SO want ALL...!!
I better STOP.. I'm going insane!!

Wahahahahaha. Okies, back to ironing... =|

Fake Tattoos.

2006-05-03T01:34:00.000+10:00

My school's having this "Sex it Up" campaign..
YESH, "Sex Fetish Week" or smth lidat, they called it.
So there were beds around, accompanied with sex toys?!
Chocolate foundation, blah blah..
Basically anything to do wit the "S" word.
Worse still, they even invited a stripper over for a talk.
Yeah, her life and all. Goodness!
Aren't they suppose to educate us about Sex the opposite way,
instead of encouraging it? Ah.. Stupid & Dumb.

NO, I DID NOT go for any of it.
Tho. I came back with tattoos on me... =)

Okies, they're fakos..
I was bored & it was free.. why not right.
Ha.. One on my back & another on my hip..
This's nothing, wait till you see my real one..
Ah HAHAHAHA. Okie, Crap!

________________________________

The number's 3.
For this year, it shall be 3.
I've got 1, and 2 are on their way.
Decided. And it shall be done.

My 21st!!

2006-05-01T00:38:00.000+10:00

O my gawd!! o my gawd!!
I'm absolutely HIGH HIGH HIGH!!
=))) Wahaha! I just got my 21st present from Daddy!
Okies, yes I know it's still damn early la huh.
BUT, I got it still.
And it's awaiting for my arrival back home.

Presenting my brand new baby!!!
Hehe.. yeah it's a BMW X3..
And mine's in Sexy Metallic Black.
*Smiles*

NOW, you know why i'm absolutely high!
O I lurve my parents!
O I lurve my mummy for bugging my dad day & night for this.
And I can't wait to ride on it baby!
Smile for me, peeps! =))
_______________________________

Shirlaine, if you reading this...
My prayers & strength goes out to you.
Hope u're holding on strong..
Please tkcare ok dear?
You're not alone. Stay strong ya.

Independence day baby!

2006-04-25T16:46:00.000+10:00

Happy Mellie's Independence Day!!!
Ok, I proclaimed it yesterday, but I shall extend it to today too.
Haha.. It's Aussie's Anzac Day too tho.
So i'm celebrating with them!! =)
After almost 2 days of sleep loss, and assignment cramming,
I finally finished it all yday!
2 major research essay due yday,
and i finished it. All done baby!

I'm feeling fantastic, cos i slpt 12 hrs straight.
Wahhahaha.. all smiles. =))
________________________________

Let's talk about Obsessions again!
The 2nd on my list.. And.. they are..
CARS.. baby.. Cars, cars & cars..!!!!
Brace yourself, cos you'll drool over the pixies..
haha..

It's the car season I tell you.. SERIOUSLY!
Lask wkend wit Daddy & Mommy went here.
We went window-shopping @ BMW showroom.
I immediately laid my eyes on BMW X5 & of cos...
my all-time fav 3 series.
Woo hoo.. sexy baby.. haha..
And from then on, Daddy went into the craze too.
Back home, he went window-shopping @ BMW, Mercedes & Audi.
He doesn't like the new model of 3 series, he preferred 5.
BUT, it's too huge for me. UGH.
He kinda settled on Audi A3 for me.
BUT i don't want. I don't want Audi A3.

Mommy & sista are now fighting for the BMW for me.
Wahahahaha! And i think it's going good!
Altho. i got to wait for another yr. but it all can wait!

MY dream cars:

- Lexus SC 2006-

It's everything I want in a car.
And it'll always remain as the ultimate dream car, baby!!
And IF IF IF I ever have the chance to EVER get it,
(Yeah, more like it'll NV happen, but it's ok to dream. Ha.)
I'll get it in either the sexy Black 0r my Dark Purple!
*smiles*

-BMW M6 - 6 series-

Presenting my latest dream car.
BMW 6 series M6.
Kinda like the sports version of 5 series?
Yeah.. absolutely stunning..
And I also would like to have it in..
Pure Black.

The closest I can ever have it, is..
If my aunt allows me to ride on hers,
to fulfil that 5 mins of dream? Hee..
I will ask, I will ask!!! *drools*

Okies, those 2 were my DREAM cars.
which will only remain alive in my dreams..

Next, the cars on my "want" list:

- BMW 3 Series -

My all-time fav, BMW 3 series.
And it's a must-have..!
Hope Daddy gets this for me, in Black too.
Tsk, he hates it tho. Darn.
*prays*

- BMW x5 -

This's X5, HUGE & GIGANTIC.
haha.. yeah, it's a lil' huge for me.
But i fell in love wit it,
when i saw it in Black @ the showroom!
Dad thought X3 was more for me.
But.. o wells, either one will do la huh!
hahaha..

I LURVE jeeps!

- Porshe Cayenne -

Porsche's Cayenne is absolutely a jam.. No doubt about that.
The PURR-FECT jeep or rather 4-wheel drive car.
Ahh.... !! beautiful!!
Why can't Daddy get this..?!?!
I tried it, it was Heaven in it. *faints!*

- Lexus RX 300 -

This's Lexus RX300, you prob seen it everywhere back home.
Yeah but I like it too, quite alot.
Comfort, sleek, it's the size for a lady.
But again, daddy wouldn't get it
'Cause he proclaim the model's too old. *Ugh*
_________________________________________

So, mommy's demanding for either BMW 3 series or X3,
OR the Lexus for me.
It's either these 3 and nothing else.
NO Audi A3 or A4 or any mercedes.
Totally outta the qns.

O I LURVE mommy..
I hope I get any of them, as long as they're all in Pure black!
*smiles*

Yep, cars are definitely my obsession.
I got it from my dad, definitely.

The End!

Random Quotes.

2006-04-21T14:20:00.000+10:00

"Because you know,
there are just some people in your life
that you can't bear not being close to.

And you need to know that
you'll definitely see them again
and always maintain that
camaradarie and closeness."

2006-04-20T22:16:00.000+10:00

Got home not long ago.
Had a walk home today.
iPod plugged in. Songs of God playing.
And it started to rain.
The usual me would run away from the rain.
'Cause I hate getting wet & cold.

Weirdly enough, I didn't run, I strolled.
Watching people darting across roads and pavements,
into the nearest shelters, or taking out their bellas for shelter.
I was the only crazy one, who was walking along with the rain,
jamming to the songs of God.

Amazingly, I felt Love from the raindrops.
Love from Him, up above.

I cried and smiled with the rain,
while jamming to His songs of Love.
And I didn't feel the cold one bit,
in fact it felt really warm.

Right at that moment, under His Love,
I felt that life's beautiful..

It's weird that i'm talking about this, I know.
'Cause I usually not a God-person.
But lately, I grew alot with Him & my frens.
Experiencing weird encounters along the way.
And life has never been the same since.

Just wanna share this happy moment I have with you guys.
'Cause it made me feel special. =)

Obsession - Shopping.

2006-04-18T17:34:00.000+10:00

I made a promise to myself just 2 nights ago.
And I hope I can keep to it.
___________________________________

So, I've decided on a new theme for my blog entries.
Obsessions, it is gonna be.
I've a list of obsessions under my belt.
For the next few entries, I'll talk abt one on each.

First and foremost...
Shopping!! (Like duh, how can it not be one of my obsessions?!)
My latest buys..
Pixies not taken very well tho. (Excuse that, okies.)

My latest buys:

My royal blue "bubbly" Jacket. I'm absolutely in lurve wit it.. It's been on my list since last semester. So yep! Got it, in the most royal colour! I like! =)

Black shirt. I always wanted one in khaki green.
Military kind. But this will do the job.

My black blazer!! One of my fav of all.
The brown woolly one, Mommy bought it for me here.
And the black vest, only cost like 15bucks!?
I so had to get it..

That's my new skinny jeans in dark blue.
Moving on to my long-lost white Lacoste polo tee, baby!
And a brazilian green & yellow roxy tee!
Lastly, a light green denim skirt. Sinful. Absolutely..

So that's all the buys in less than 3 days maybe?
O that's not all, mum just got me a black pinafore aka jumper.
It's like a total schoolgirl kinda dress, but haha..
I like playing and mixing up the stuff I buy..
Tho. I'll look absolutely WEIRD if I wear them back in Sg.

Shopping, the 1st on my Obsession List.
As you can see, I totally adore spending. TOO MUCH.
But o wells, moolah's meant for spending. =)

I still have my light green Lacoste polo on my list...
I have given up on it in Sg. They nv bring it in.
Aussie doesn't have it too. Only in men's! Ugh.

Okie, enuff whining & all.
Enuff shopping too, for the next mth or so.
(Yeah right.) Do you think i can keep to it?
Haha..

2006-04-16T23:58:00.000+10:00

The anonymous I love.
The anonymous I wait...

i draw circles.

2006-04-16T01:02:00.000+10:00

Call me weak, call me blardy pathetic.
I am all of that. And i hate seeing myself in this state.
I fell, yet again.
All strength given, ended too.
Yes, I know it's ok to keep falling.
'Cause I'll eventually stand up again.

I almost ALMOST gave in.
I was trying so hard, thinking of whether I should...
Call? Message? Write or mail?
But I didn't know if that was the right thing to do.
I don't know if I should.
But i know i was at that state,
'Cause i'm still learning to stand up after falling.

Gawd, fcuked up pathetic.
Fcuked up weak, hopeless.. useless.

How pathetic can i get?
I still draw circles on my palm, (if you rem what it means)
dazing into the nothing..
Thinking abt everything.

Tell me i'm so screwed & fcuked up.

Happy Easter!

2006-04-14T00:45:00.000+10:00

Happy Easter Day, peeps!

Retail therapy was absolutely fantastic-ly HIGH!
I got everything I want!
Well, erm. most of them are "wants" tho. Hee.
I totally absolutely blown my month's budget already.
I'm so so dead. Gawd.
But I like my black blazer, my royal blue jacket.. THE most!!
*smiles* Retail therapy ALWAYS works for me!!

O, and I've decided to colour my hair soon.
Maybe when my parents get here,
which is of cos, tml morning baby! =)
We shall see about that.
__________________________________

I Hate Myself For Losing You

I woke up today
Woke up wide awake
In an empty bed
Staring at an empty room
I hate myself to blame
For the state I'm in today
Doesn't seem so cruel
And I don't know anyway
Anymore.

I hate myself for losing you
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you
What do you do when you look in the mirror
And staring at you is why she's not here?

You got what you deserved
Hope you're happy now
'Cause everytime I think of her with you
It's killing me
Inside, and
Now I dread each day
Knowing I can't be saved
From the loneliness
Of living without you
And I don't know what to do
Not sure that I'll pull through
I wish you knew

What do you say when everything you said
Is the reason why she left you in the end?
How do you cry when everything you said
Don't ever bring her back again?
...

That's for you.
Or rather, everything here's for you.
Know you haven't been reading,
but maybe it's cos u don't bother or care
Anymore.

Maybe, then, good for you.
You finally got urself outta this misery.
Stay happy, then.

-

2006-04-13T01:55:00.000+10:00

I absolutely adore my hair now.
The length, the colour & all.
Tho. the outgrown ones are out already.
Which means it's time for me to colour & trim again.
Bleahz. But i kinda feel like a short crop.
Short crop kinda style.. Wax and all.
Blah blah blah. Hmm.. should i?
I've been trying to go for it..
But, argh.. i still dunno yet.
*contemplating!!*

I should start a shopping list.

1. Lacoste Polo tees... in White & Light lime green.
2. Short sleeve white shirt.
3. Tie. (Weird, but ya. Ha.)
4. Black "suspenders". (Even weirder. Haa.)
5. Black Blazer.
6. Sneakers.

Shopping again tml! Weee...
Can't wait..!
Plus.. Easter break's here.
I'm gonna get so so bored.
DUH.
_________________________

Hours ago was yesterday.
And yesterday was the 12th of April.
It could've been the 2nd.
Do you rem, even?

"There wasn't a moment
when I was away
that my heart wasn't wit you."

Learn to love again.

2006-04-12T02:09:00.000+10:00

Quoted from Shirlaine,
"You'll learn to love again."

The entire day, that kept ringing in my head.
Non-stop. And I kept asking myself too.
Will I ever ever love again?
I fear, too much, i might not ever again.

Issit 'cause I can't anymore?
Or 'cause I don't wanna love anyone else,
but this..?
What if my heart's tied to this broken love..
And it'll always be attached to it..
for a very long long time.
Forever... & ... Always?

What if my broken heart refuses to heal,
'cause it's waiting still for another chance?
Everyday, every moment, these qns...
These unanswered qns... Never stopped.

Will I ever love again?

6 days of silence.

2006-04-09T02:12:00.000+10:00

6 days of silence since.
Painful silence, painful peace, I've been living.
It's hard to deal, even harder to live wit it.

I cry time to time,
silently, painfully, in this heart.

I fear the silence time to time,
the silence in my heart, the silence of the night,
that slowly creeps into my mind.

I pretend time to time, that I'm ok.
But the front, the strength doesn't last.

Out in the open, I'm dealing wit it, alone.
Out in the dark, I brave the evil that creeps into me,
time to time.

Maybe you'll never believe me,
that my love for you is blind.
'Cause I can't make you see it.
'Cause I can't make you feel it anymore.

it's the final goodbye.

2006-04-03T14:52:00.000+10:00

I'm totally torn.
I'm totally broken.
Once again.

It was so cold, so hard.
And it was done.
And it's all over.

It's the Final Goodbye.
It's the Last of Everything.

I'll be living in tears from today on..
I'll be holding & clinging onto the pain from now..
And I may never ever, let go of it..
I may always stay wit this sorrow...
'Cause that's all that's left of Everything.
So, let it be then.

All was tried, all has been done.
What's left, is what's given to me today.

i'm not going anywhere..

2006-04-02T01:58:00.000+11:00

You know smth ger, I'm not going anywhere...
I'll be standing right here, where I've always been.
'Cause I can't walk forward, I can't turn back.
The wait kills like hell,
But maybe 'cause it kills,
Maybe 'cause it hurts so badly,
That's why I'm still here.
And I'm not going anywhere.
Just for you.. Maybe.

Just for you.

what nourishes me, also destorys me.

2006-03-31T01:24:00.000+11:00

what nourishes me destorys me.

Bored.

2006-03-29T23:44:00.000+11:00

I was bored, so I took some random pixies.
And Kelly kept bugging me to show her my purchases.
So I took pixies of some..
The clothes, can't be bothered la.

And... BIG BIG Minkie, my new found company..
Mummy bought her for me,
so I wouldn't be alone here. =)
She absolutely loves me!
Eh.. Minkie cost AUS$130 can!
No joke hoh.
That's y she has to be given royalty treatment.
Hence, she shares my bed. Ha..

2006-03-29T23:43:00.000+11:00

Introducing BIG BIG Minkie, with Minkie (the smaller one). There's lil' Minkie, but she's back home wit one.

2006-03-29T23:42:00.000+11:00

And Yeap! Whoever knows Minkie, this's the BIG BIG Minkie.. =) Huge alright! I LIKE!

2006-03-29T23:41:00.000+11:00

And she takes up half of my queen-size bed! Ha. She needs a passenger seat in the plane when I bring her home too. Ha.

2006-03-29T23:40:00.000+11:00

Kelly! This are what I call Charm Necklaces ya? Now, you know. hahaha.

2006-03-29T23:39:00.000+11:00

THAT particular feather in that charm necklace, was the reason why i got it...

2006-03-29T23:38:00.000+11:00

Absolutely proud owner of my new earring holder!! Cool right? I just GOT to have it man. sinful, yet again. Haha.

2006-03-29T23:37:00.000+11:00

My new Roxy Duffel baggie! It was sold out back home. So.. yeah finally got it. =)

workout!!

2006-03-29T22:12:00.000+11:00

I feel absolutely fantastic, though totally worn-out too.
Less than 4 hours of sleep last night, or rather dis morn.
YESH, I was rushing for my assignment, due today.
So it's finally over! Yipeee!
And I'm still sane and awake enuff to go for a run earlier.
An hour of run...!

Finally, finally!
After a month of proclaiming that I'd go to the gym.
Today, I decided to pick up my lazy butt...
And go to the gym.
Feels fantastic ya! Shall do it more often.

Run all the clotted up whatever in my body...
Run aimlessly, for absolutely no reason.
Run away from all the thoughts that keeps invading my mind.
Run, run away from everything that keeps pulling me back.
And I decide, I'll go for a run, hopefully, everyday.
To keep my mind intact & sane.

Smiles!

your scent.

2006-03-28T23:24:00.000+11:00

I have your scent on me, right now.
And it made me weak still,
as much as it ever did before.

I used to lay my head on your shoulders,
and that tingling scent on your neck,
nv fails to capture my everything.
And it still does..

Your scent and only yours,
... brings back memories.
... brings back the weakness in my knees.
... brings back the heart-wrenching pain in me.

All I ever had in my hands, in my life, in my heart...
It all passed me by,
It all slipped away from me.
Far, far away.... Fading into the nothing.......

STOP IT!!

2006-03-28T16:40:00.000+11:00

Mr. SA Tan's doing his thing.
(And if you were wondering who's Mr. SA Tan...?
He's Satan. Yep.)
He's tempting me.
He's making me fall.
He's hitting me with those thoughts...
I can't hold on any longer..
I might just fall, anytime...
But I can't, I can't afford to.
I've got work to do...
And I need peace in my mind.

I ain't sure if I'm strong enough to resist.
I ain't sure if I can hang on...
I don't have much strength,
so I'm asking God for his strength to keep me up..
Please help me.
_________________________________

I'm missing a particular stranger, till it hurts...

2006-03-28T00:40:00.000+11:00

It's all gone already, isn't it?
There's nothing left...?
Not even the slightest bit?

2006-03-27T17:45:00.000+11:00

Smth of which used to define happiness.
I miss...

Fireworks.

2006-03-27T00:17:00.000+11:00

Today's the closing ceremony for the Commonwealth Games.
Or rather it was yday, since it's already over midnight now.
We all gathered along the river @ Federation Square,
like all the thousand over aussies.. we awaited for the fireworks.
And when it came, GOSH, it was AMAZING.
I know ya prob compare it to our national day right?
Not even near lor!!
Buildings around the city had fireworks coming outta of it!!
And everywhere around us, behind, left, right, in front..
Fireworks were all over us.
N it was B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L...!!!!
We were like less than 50m away from them?
'Cause it was directly above us..
And it lasted abt 10mins or more? Fantastic!!!
Okies, i'm just really happy la can..
I haven't felt joy since.. ages.
So I wanna share my joy wit u guys. haha.
Although there isn't any pics to prove.
But I'll see if I can get them la k.

I did wish you were there to share it wit me..
'Cause the same time last yr..
I was holding on to e phone wit u on the other line,
and there were fireworks in the sky too..

Forever ... Always.

2006-03-26T12:56:00.000+11:00

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do.
Everything's not ok. I'm NOT ok.
Do you know that? Can you feel it anymore?
Why... I don't wanna understand..
I don't wanna ever try to understand..
'Cause knowing the truth just hurts too much.
I don't wanna live in pictures, or letters, or msges..
Sometimes, I try to piece those moment together by digging into the past.
There's only so far I can dig.
Where's the here and now?

you're not here and i'm not there, now.

Sigh...

2006-03-25T01:35:00.000+11:00

Did I mention how glad I am to be home..
Like right now, right at this moment?
It's abt 1.35am and I got abt 1.15am or so?
Had a LONG long day. Phew, it's finally over.
Came back wit a swollen foot & backache. Bleahz.
I so can't wait to be heading to bed,
with my pillowSSsSs!! & Minkiesss...!
Thank God, for such a fulfilling day.

Day started at 8am...
Woke up feeling utterly shit.
'Cause I dreamt of ... Yes.
Ah... I don't wanna go there.
And I hate Friday's tutorials.
They all scare me big time.
And the entire day of wondering & waiting.
Gawd, I think I nv feel a day longer than today.
Den Chadstone for shopping.
Nope, no retail therapy today.
I had some self-control. =)
Then back to school for Bible study.
Fulfilling but I was too tired to participate at all.
Den went kicking soccer... till...
my swollen foot & back.
I'm getting old & inflexible.
Should start exercising. Haiz.
And den supper till like now.
Done! the day's done!!

Although I did have a lil' hope that..
I might get what I was hoping for..
But nahz, it didn't come.
So... o wells.. I know. I know.
Not suppose to expect or want.
__________________________________

I miss my daddy & mummy terribly today.
Was waiting for mummy's call when I was out.
But she didn't call and only msged.
Came home & she called.
But she wanted me to hang up & head to back,
after only a few words... =(

But! I can't wait for their arrival!!
I know.. why are they coming over AGAIN right?
They left barely a mth ago.. haha.
But yeah.. they're coming again!!!
Yeah. =)
__________________________________

I stared at my phone a couple of times today..
I dunno what I was waiting for..
Or what I wanted to do.
Several times, I wanted to dial that number...

2006-03-23T02:21:00.000+11:00

I dunno what issit..
But I was just watching The OC.
The exact same words..
"We're both from different worlds," were said.
So it's true huh..
Issit a reminder? Or smth to me?

That those words, you said it yourself...
"We're from different worlds.."
Are the words that hurt the most.
Sigh. I'm taking it.
No matter how hard it is, I'm keeping to it.

Who Am I?

2006-03-21T22:26:00.000+11:00

At Psychology tutorial today,
Did a "Who Am I" questionaire.
So we were given a sheet of paper with 10 blanks,
starting with "I am ...."
We were supposed to answer all the "I am ..." qns.
Anything that comes to our mind,
as long as it's TRUE about yourself.
So guess what I answered...

1. I am waiting to find my life back in place.
2. I am going through a breakup with my ________. (Duh.)
3. I am a ______ or rather, maybe a ______.
4. I am who I am.
(Yah, what kinda ans is that right? That's why I scored it under nonsense. Ha.)
5. I am missing home.
6. I am waiting to end my studies and head home to where I wanna be.
7. I am sitting here, sunbathing under the sun, reflecting about my life and you.
8. I am wishing, so much time would turn back to 2 yrs ago.
(I wanna live that 2 yrs again.)
9. I am wanting to take back all the words I said to you this morning.
(The call I made that ended everything once and for all.)
10. I am someone who's living double lives. (B'cos of you.)

When most of the ans are...
"I am a girl.", "I am feeling stressed up.",
"I am in love", I am a student",
I am going blah blah blah later..."

My answers are actually WAY WAY off the hook.
I think I'm so sick in the mind.
Ha. And I scored the most in the "Independent" category.
Which apparently refers to individual's experiences, beliefs, behaviours, states and traits that DO NOT RELATE TO OTHERS.

Concluded, I'm so so so FULL of myself.
Or rather I'm so full of you.
Everything's jus you, you and you.

And my tutor added if these qns actually prompt too much into your emotional state, we should be advised to see the school consuellor. Hmmm! I think I'm a suitable candidate for that.
O wells...
________________________________________

On the lighter note,
I think I'm have gone freaking WAY over my expenses this mth.
And it's not even a mth yet.
I'm so so freaking dead.
I think I spent like $500+?
I just got a jumper, a book, striped tights yesterday.
Plus..
- Black skinny jeans
- Earrings stand
- Floral flats
- 3 Charm necklaces
- Earrings
- Shades
- Roxy bag
- Rebirth tops
- Beige jeans
- 2 pair of shorts
- etc...

Gawd, I'm so freaked dead.
AND my shopping list's piling up again,
when I proclaimed yday completed it all.
Slap me in my head.
I need to tell Daddy to cut my expenses.. for good.
Bleahz.
________________________________________

I wondered last nite...
you did it on the left side of your back...
Issit 'cause it's the closest place to your heart?

2006-03-19T00:27:00.000+11:00

And when I wit you,
I don't hear all e shit abt us being together.
But now that I'm not,
I get all e shit abt who you're wit...
And all shit abt how blardy popular you are around.
And guess what, thousand miles away...
I still gets it..
It's way amazing.
Seriously.

Live your life to how you want to.
However, you want it to be...
Create all hoo-ha abt your fantastic love life.
Whatever, seriously.
WHATEVER.

What a day.

2006-03-18T01:17:00.000+11:00

I fell hard, rock bottom, again, today.
After trying ever so hard to stand up...
I fell, with the touch of it.
The moment I saw it, in my mailbox,
wit your handwriting...
I felt heat in my eyes,
hot tears filled them...
And I held it ever so tightly in my hands.

Under my covers, I read it...
On my pillow, I cried ever so badly...
It didn't stop no matter how hard I tried.
I wanted to OD myself to sleep.
I kid you not, I tot of that.
'Cause I wanted to sleep and not wake up anymore.
The physical pain, the emotional pain, the fatigue...
It was all killing me..
And I'm willing to end it all,
with the last words I read from the letter.
It was all I needed.
(Ok guys, don't worry, I will NOT do that again. I promise.)

I cried to sleep, and woke up...
Much stronger and harder.
It was just all too over-whelming.
But I'm alot better now.
Calling it a night...

_____________________________________

It's beating still, for you, as always...

Do you remember..

2006-03-16T00:18:00.000+11:00

Do you remember the times we watched each other from the webcam...

Do you remember the times we looked into each other's eyes...

Do you remember the times we 'spoke' through our eyes...

Do you remember the chill that runs down our spine,
each time we touch...

Do you remember the times we walked down that river,
hand in hand, heart to heart...

Do you remember the promises we made to each other...

Do you remember the letters you wrote to me,
almost every single day I was a continent away from you...

Do you remember the first ever time you sent me home...

Do you remember the sensations you felt over me,
when you first saw me...

Do you remember the times we gave each other morning calls,
a continent away...

Do you remember the times we worked, and weirdly,
whatever happens to me, would happen to you a moment later.

Do you remember the names we call each other...

Do you remember the smile, just the sight of each other...

Do you remember when we kiss..

Do you remember...?

Stoned. Whatever.

2006-03-14T17:53:00.000+11:00

At 3am that night, Van broke the news to me, that there wouldn't be 3 of us anymore. There wouldn't be both of them, anymore. I felt the instant, piercing pain that she felt. And I cried. I cried with her, as if I was the one going thru it. In actual fact, I'm going thru a break-up too, a break-up of a friendship between 3 of us. And it hurt so badly. Really. I could hardly believe. It didn't sink till much much later. No, I don't hate or dislike or whatsoever, 'cause I understand. 'Cause over the years that I took to learn, to understand situations of another.

I'm missing it already, I'm missing the outings and all that consist no one, but just the 3 of us. For all that we went thru, I thanked the both of you, for all the times you've been there for me.

Van, I know it's not easy, but I'm still here, no further than anytimes. I'll pain wit you & I'll cry wit you.

Kel, I still love you. And I believe whatever you did, you had ur reason. I respect that. I miss you, lady. Talk to you soon.
____________________________________

"She mind-fucking you, inter-continent-ly."
Yeah, damn right.
Damn right, so f- up, even a continent away.
O bugger! Life's sucks.
Staying away from the L word for now.
____________________________________

She said, she knows she's selfish to wanna hear her voice.
O, that's not all.
She's selfish enough to walk out on her.
She's selfish enough to break her into pieces.
She's selfish enough to let her pick up the pieces alone.

And what the another her gets?
She can't even be selfish enough to want it all back.
_____________________________________

I miss you, too.
As much as you do.

Love,
the saddist me.

Hiding...

2006-03-10T10:23:00.000+11:00

I'm closing up my world.
I'm running away from all.

Who's gonna pull me out of this black hole...

Life Anew..

2006-03-08T18:46:00.000+11:00

So yes, I'm finally settled down in Land of Oz. It took me a couple days to get my new home furnished and all. Except the damn phone line and internet. Finally, after waiting for half a mth, my phone line is installed. Now, it's the internet I've to WAIT, yet again. Am using my friend's access at her place, so yeah. How pathetic.

I'm such an absolute weakling. SERIOUSLY. What's new. I've fallen ill again!! Ah.. all I do is worry my parents. Gawd. What the hell is wrong wit me... =( Flu, cough & sore throat. Life CANNOT get any better. Bleahz. What have I been doing lately? SHOP! Retail therapy works all the time. O wells, mummy encouraged me to go for it too. So who's stopping me. Haha.. Okies. I spent like 300bucks in 3 days. Goodness. My expenses this mth is so gonna burst. Work it work it.. start working on saving moolah!!

I hate my blocked nose!! Ah.. Ok. Lately, I have been catching up with a couple of peeps back home. I realised how much I missed them, esp. Shirlaine & Van. I hate the fact that when they need me to most, I can't be there. It sucks. Really. Pls stay strong ok dear? Tkcare of ur heart esp. I know how hard it is. If I could, I give u guys all the strength I have. You'll be in my prayers. *Huggies*

____________________________________

She asked herself today,
"Does it all really have to end?"
Seriously, it's smth she hasn't let go at all.
She wish that smth, maybe a miracle,
would happen.
Msges have turned in cold & hard words...
That pierce her heart each time she reads.
She wish things could've been more than what it seems.
She wish for more... everyday...

For all the times she said she love..
For all the times she said she care..
For all the times she said she'd stay...
Has everything boil down to words & empty promises?

If only things would change,
She promise, they'd be happier than they are now.

She's living double lives.

Everything's just an illusion.

2006-03-05T20:27:00.000+11:00

What's Love?
I've been asking dis qns alot lately.
And I haven't been feeling it at all lately.
O wells, quite obviously right.
I questioned alot the definition of Love.
Is Love Pain?
Is Love just happiness only?
'Cause it seemed as if all I did ever give was Pain, and nothing else.
Is it still Love, if you walk along side with one, down the road...
But not hand in hand.
Suddenly, all's nothing but a blur.
Everything seems an illusion.
And worst still, there's nothing I can do abt it.
_______________________________________

It made alot of difference being away in person,
and being away at heart.
They used to be away from each other in person,
but at heart, they were the closest.
'Cause it only mattered that they had each other's heart.
Distance didn't matter then.

Now, they're away from each other in person,
and, at heart too.
And that became the farthest ever distance they ever had,
from each other.

Which is more painful, she asked.
Which is less hard, and less painful, she wondered.
But there wasn't any answers...
All there was, were questions abt everything...
And everything else.

She cried, when she read her past letters..
She took her quote...
"If you ever get off track, turn back & take a look...
I'll be waiting..."
She nv thought she'd ever said it to her.
Yet, she's saying it now...
And what did she get back?
Nothing.

Nothing.
Love's is nothing.
It's of no definition, she learnt.
Just lately.

Last of Everything.

2006-02-20T14:44:00.000+11:00

Once again, it was all too good to be true.
It was all an act of Love,
all an act of care & concern,
an act of good.
Thanks again, for watching her fall.
Thanks again, for leaving her all alone.
Thanks again, for running away.

It all happened like a speed bullet.
It all crashed like a speeding car into a tree.
She remembered the exact words,
"Leave me alone."
"F- off my life!"
"I've to please her, please you..."
"Who's gonna please me."

All she wanted was to be there for her.
Just as a friend, but she was pushed away.
She didn't give up, she endured the pain..
All she was worrying was her.
She followed her, yet she was brushed away.
Each and each moment became shots of pain in her heart.
She held on, she went forward again.
That's when she ran away...
She left her alone, standing there in disbelief.
In tears, and once again in utter pain.

That scene of her running away,
proved it all.
She ran away from her,
that very day 2 mths ago.
And since then, she has always be running.
And she will always be moving on 50 steps from her.
She'll nv be able to catch up.

Till the day, she stops running.
Till the day, she slows down,
takes a look behind, reaches out for her hand..
The another her will always be behind.
Til the day, she has no one on her side anymore,
they will always be walking on different paths.
The path they used to walk together,
has slowly faded away.

At that very moment, she ran away from her.
She also walked out of her life,
leaving her behind again.
That was it,
That was the last of everything.
The moment she was left all alone again,
she decided she tried all she could.
She fell too many times.
She cried too many times.
She hit rock-bottom too many times.
All 'cause she loves too much.

She's walking away from the pain, from this love...
And from her.
______________________________________

To you,
Till the day you slow down,
take a look behind,
reach out for me...
I can never walk side by side with you.
'Cause you never stop running.
'Cause you're too far for me to reach.

Fate?

2006-02-19T00:31:00.000+11:00

Right then & there, at that fateful place,
At that very moment, they had the same thought in mind.
And it was to bump into each other.
Walking in different directions,
she saw her. She saw her too.
Mixture of emotions ran thru her mind.
Stunned & dumbfounded,
Pinch in the heart...
Yet a wave of relief to see her.

She showed her usual utmost concern to her.
But she felt scared taking it from her.
There was silence for a moment.
They got out the station, sat aside, side by side.
Eyes to eyes, hand to hand,
Tears, pain, smiles, comfort, misses...
Everything at one shot.
She asked of her to stay & not to walk away.
The other in tears & pain asked,
how not to walk away,
when she's wit another.

But then, it all didn't matter.
'Cause they both had each other.
She wiped her tears away.
She tried to touch her face, but she couldn't.
She didn't dare to.
She brought her hand to her face.
And laid it there.
It felt so right, like before.
The same rush, the same thrill.
But she knew it all had to be different.

The 1st train came,
she asked to wait for the next.
The 2nd train, den the 3rd, and then the 4th..
It was a short half an hour.
But the world was theirs.
She made a promise that made it all fine.
She told her she still loves her.
She was contented.
Even though it was all words.

When it was her stop to leave,
she was in tears, she didn't wanna go.
In fear of not seeing her anymore.

For the last 3 mins they had,
they were left once again,
looking at each other eye to eye.

They kissed goodbye, as they parted.
That same rush, that same thrill still exist.

It was the shortest time they ever spent together.
Yet, it became one of the most memorable times.
She made her happy.
She only wish it could have last a lil' longer.

It was almost perfect, almost there.

She.

2006-02-16T22:10:00.000+11:00

She didn't know what was right to do.
It might have felt right but it was wrong.
Then, she chose the supposedly right way to deal wit it.
She walked away, thinking it would change it all.

But today, she's still standing at the junction.
Facing all fears of losing the another her.
Facing yet again, as always, unanswered questions.
Facing the pain of loving her, aside & in silence.
Not having it all anymore. Not her in person.
Not her in Love and not ever her in Happiness.
Not anymore.

Last night, she broke it.
She gave in a lil' but hopefully not entirely.
Today, again she gave in a lil' more.
She brought her lunch.
She didn't wanna to be seen.
She asked another to bring it to her.
And she hopes it'd be appreciated.
'Cause she wants that her to know she still cares as much.

She reminded herself alot,
Not to cross that line.
That line that was drawn by her.
Painfully, she walked away again,
Not allowing her to see.
Or hear from her again.

Maybe tomorrow, she'll fall.
Maybe tomorrow, she'll give it all in again.
But she's just trying to do all she can before she leaves.
In silence, in pain, in prayers.

I dunno.

2006-02-15T21:47:00.000+11:00

These words kept appearing in my mind last night.
"Maybe", "Someday"...
No, I'm not asking for anything.
No, I'm not asking for anything back.
I gave up. I faced reality of it already.
It's prob e worst ever I've gone through.
But I chose to walk away.
Not cos I didn't care anymore.
But cos I didn't wanna further damage what's left b/w us.
All I want is...
To keep e best & most beautiful memories we used to have, Alive.
And that's all I have now, of Us.

I dunno if ~~you~~'re reading this,
it really doesn't matter if ~~you~~ don't.
~~You~~'re not a pest for calling everyday.
In fact, I'm prob e happiest when I get ur calls & msges.
But, I'm begging you..
Pls don't call if it has become more of a routine everyday.
Don't call if ~~you~~ just wanna prove to me of what u said that u'll not stop.

How're ~~you~~? I wondered every moment.
But I know ~~you~~'re happier now,
although it's still the lowest pt of my life.
Somehow or rather, it might hurt,
But it's also a comfort to know ~~you~~'re happy now.

Maybe, Someday.. We might collide again.
Not Us in a r/s anymore.. but You & I as individuals.
As friends and soulmates..? I dunno.
All I know is I wanna have ~~you~~ in my life.
I don't ask for much anymore,
I just wanna be there for ~~you~~.

I don't know when will we ever see each other again.
But I wish ~~you~~ well.
And I'd pray for ~~you~~ to be happy.

I miss ~~you~~ too...

Five People I meet in Heaven.

2006-02-04T20:52:00.000+11:00

Life hasn't been as fine as before.
I went up a couple of times,
I fell a many more times.
But, I became stronger as the day goes by.
I became harder as time passes..

I'm leaving yet again,
in a couple weeks time.
This time, it's as hard,
but on a much different focus.
My family & friends that I don't wanna leave behind.
Esp. the Five People I meet in Heaven.

The Five People I meet in Heaven

1. Pinkie a.k.a Van
Missing already her constant whining of "Mellie!!", her "corny", lame jokes that roll my eyes, our kick-asses fights, flicking her chins & throwing saracastic remarks that gets her so "UGH!" =). O plus the threesome kissing sessions. And of cos, her constant love & care for all time that brought me here today.
Birdhead, I love you! I'm with you ok? =)

2. Kelly
I miss her strength each time I talk to her abt everything, her strong-mindedness, her whinings & o-so cute & WEIRD sounds she makes abt everything. The shopping trips, the stay-overs, the kissing sessions too!!!
Girlfriend, I heart you! *Muacks*

3. Shirlaine a.k.a my best bud & bro
I'll miss her words of encouragement, the o so strong but yet so subtle advice that nv fails to make me a whole lot better. Her company most of all, the overnight talking sessions & company..
Thankyou for being there, bro. Loveyou.

4. Jackie
Her constant & longest endurance for my whinings & complains, the grapevine-night sessions, the shopping trips, her understanding to whatever situation I'm in, & the gym workouts.
My love for you, lady! =)

5. God
Last but not least, Him. And for all I know, He will always be in my heart, wherever I go. And I'm thankful for that.

My Happy Ending.

2006-01-30T05:02:00.000+11:00

..My Happy Ending..

So much for my happy ending
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew,
And I thought we could be.
You were everything,
everything that I wanted.
We were meant to be, supposed to be,
but we lost it.
And all of the memories, so close to me,
just fade away.
All this time you were pretending,
So much for my happy ending.

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?

All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

It's nice to know that you were there,
Thanks for acting like you cared.
And making me feel like I was the only one,
It's nice to know we had it all.
Thanks for watching as I fall,
And letting me know we were done.
So much for my happy ending.

2006.

2005-12-31T19:56:00.000+11:00

Today's the last of 2005.

Looking back, so many had happened. But I had you always, by my side. But for the last couple of days, my whole world turned upside down. The last few nights were the worst days of my life. And I never realise everything would have turned out to be this way. Thankfully for Van & Kel, the closest people in my heart. I got through each night, in one piece. I woke up half-way through the night, thinking it was all just a nightmare. But it wasn't. When the morning approached, I picked up the pieces and face it again. I tried alot, to be my strongest. But I guess it wasn't enough.

And so I started praying, pleading... And I nv plead to anyone like I did. I feel as if I'm hanging on the fence, trying alot not to bulge, in fear of triggering anything. And so, I guess life's gonna be this way for now, till.. I don't know when. But I'll stay strong, 'cause I don't ever wanna lose one thing in my life that I L.V the most. It's amazing how things have made a turn. But I promise, whatever it is I have to do, I'll do it. As long as I still have you here with me.

Hopefully, this'll be the last of 2005. And when tomorrow comes, it'll be a brand new chance, a start to better days & a better year. I won't give up, 'cause I have my strength from myself & from the ones who have been there for me lately.

Today marks the last of 2005, the last of myself... & a better start to a better me.

And I'll say it again, I won't give up.

Losing it.

2005-12-28T02:58:00.000+11:00

For a moment, or rather, for a whole hour...
I lost you.
And I thought I wouldn't find you anymore.
I prayed so hard, that you were ok.
And the moment I saw you...
I broke down. Really hard.

That fear that emerged within me,
it shook me so hard.
I thought you were gone.

All I wanted today, was a perfect day.
My version of a perfect day,
that I yearned so much for the past week.
But it turned out no where near my perfection.
In fact, it led me into tears so many times,
that it irritated you alot, I know.
But I couldn't help it.

I'm scared. I'm afraid I'm losing it.
Losing the will & strength of holding on to it.
I want this feeling to go away, soon.
'Cause it's taking part of me away..

I wanna stickwityou for now & ever.

2005-12-27T00:01:00.000+11:00

I'm bored to D.E.A.T.H so I decided to do this..

"The thought is that once you've been tagged you have to write 20 facts about yourself, time how long it takes, and tag as many people as minutes it took to write." (as quoted)

1) I'm an extremely-super-duper-over-the-board-Excessive shopaholic. Period. (Ha...)

2) I have a very sinful & bad habit of always reminiscing back into the past.

3) I'm absolutely-sinfully-badly spolit by.... my parents & ____. And I LURVE the feeling damn much. (HA.)

4) I hate being alone, who doesn't right? I'm an attention seeker, who constantly needs like 24/7 attention from ____, my parents & whoever I wish to be accompanied by.

5) I'm a crybaby when it comes to EVERYTHING, like when I don't get what I want, when I'm neglected..........

6) I hate taking photographs... especially when I have to take alone. Yep, 'cause I'm an ugly ragdoll.

7) I can be really emotional sometimes, but I get really cold, hard & heartless when I choose not to care.

8) I'm a crazy animal lover, esp. for dogs. What do think.. I have 5 of them living under the same roof, but don't make me bathe or clean them up. Ha..

9) Music's my life, it goes wherever I go...

10) I spent a total of $50 on junk magazines monthly.

11) A bad habit of buying books but not finishing them. That's when my sista does the finishing job. Hee.

12) Am a fickle-minded, indecisive & hot-tempered person. BUT, I can TOLERATE big time. Enuff said.

13) I only like practical stuffies, so no softy toys or flowers unless it's of a significance.

14) I L.O.V.E being adored by the one and only one in my life.

15) Water & snow sports absolutely rawks my toes!! Esp. Water ski & snowboarding!!

16) I live to eat, eat & EAT!

17) When I'm away from home a.k.a S'pore, I prefer to stay at home & be alone in Aussie.

18) I absolutely CANNOT sleep or live w/o my baby pillow & bolster. =)

19) It takes alot for me to love.

20) I can't get enuff of my life. I'm never contented. To me, there isn't anything that's enough.

So, yeah that's 20 facts abt me.
I'm gonna skip the part abt tagging people.
Never like doing that kinda of stuff.

Back!

2005-12-24T04:23:00.000+11:00

I'm awfully glad to be home from Japan.
Got back @ about 3am last night.
I'll rate the entire trip @ about... 6.5/10.
So let's start from the top...

Mum & I started the trip w/o e rest of the family.
I had to accompany her with all the other tai-tais & KIDS.
The ladies & kids started shopping @ Tokyo for 2 nights.
Met up the men (the daddies) & my siblings @ e 3rd night.
Flew to Sapporo for ski-ing & snowboarding.
Freaky cold over there.. and it was snowing.
-40 degrees it was and I fell terribly ill.
Flu, sore throat & bad cough.
We had ski-ing lessons for the 1st timers.
Had such difficulties in it, resulted in tremendous backaches.
hence my preference for snowboarding.
2nd day for snowboarding! Yeah..
3rd on shopping + massage.
4th day was shopping + massage again. Absolutely sinful.
Then it was back to Tokyo for a transit & then it was home.

1. Shopping

Shopping at Tokyo was fun. But I didn't buy much.Whatever that exists in Japan is considered of a pretty high price. Considering the fact that the hotel we stayed in cost us US$500 per night. I knew I couldn't spend as much as I usually do.

2. Food

O.. I have been waiting to come to this part. Ha. Absolutely fantastic to the extent that I'm gonna swear off sashimi, crabs & beef for a while.

One night we had ALL sashimi, which left me... stoned. Enuff said. It was way too much for me to take.

Another night we had BBQ Kobe Beef. O my God...... the beef MELTS in your mouth. SERIOUSLY, no kidding. It was outta this world man. One hell of a taste.

Another night, we had the huge Alaska crab, you know.. the really huge one!?!? Yes.. there were 17teen of us right.. the moment we arrived, there was 3 HUGE crabs and 6 hairy crabs awaiting on the table for us.......... HEAVEN baby! And then we had crab porridge, crab tempura. Excessive amt of CRABS! And.. the meal totalled up to.... US$280 per person. So just counting my family.. 5 of us... the meal costed us $1400!?!?!

3. The Company

The people I went with on the trip were my Dad's friends. With these awfully freaking rich gang... everything came with royalty. Ha. That was the good part la. Best hotel stays in Japan, shopping areas, special privileges, private translator, chauffeur.... What more can you ask for. And of cos.. the FOOD.

So... you know what's crazy.. 17 of us right. We ended up with 36 baggages.....!!!! seriously. it's madness.. Imagine the amount of porters!? Why? Cause.. too much shopping.. & each family brought back an Alaska Crab, 2kg of Kobe Beef.. in which just 2kg of beef cost us 700bucks. So my mum told me to savour the beef in my mouth as long as I can before I swallow it.. Ha.

Due to the excessive amount of baggages, we delayed the flight from Sapporo back to Tokyo. It was delayed for an hour. The girl dealing with our check-ins literally went crazy checking in for 17 ppl with 34 baggages. It created a big hoo-ha. My dad was standing at the counter for 2 hrs. Thankfully, he knew someone in the Japan Airlines that manage smoke through everything and got us though. Our flight was supposedly @ 1.40pm and the checking in was finished at 2pm. *peng* It was that crazy.

So we thought everything was done. Then, bad weather conditions over @ tokyo and our plane might not be able to land at the airport and we might have to land in another domestic one, which was a big problem. 'Cause our flight back to Singapore was in less than 2 hrs. We were totally screwed. But thankfully, we manage to get to the original airport in Tokyo. BUT then again, our flight to Sg was again delayed... for no reasons. And we were all exhausted with the fooling around of the flights. But I'm glad to be home la.

Leaving for Japan.

2005-12-15T23:12:00.000+11:00

I don't much time to blog!
But i'm gonna squeeze all I can,
with the few mins I have.
I'm going... already!
And it sucks.
Haven't stop whinning for the past hrs.
Of how much I DO NOT wanna go. Ugh.

So... overall, yesterday was fun with the gers.
Started off bad... @ Phuture.
It's as bad as ever la.
Bad crowd & music.
Missed the Aussie gang.
But I saw a few peeps that made my night.
Then, we went off for a better night @ Gotham Penthouse.
Great place. Nice bouncer. haha.
Loved the interior & music.
Crazy indian Djs. Cocky jokes.
Table-top dancing. Weird crowd.
But we had our fun.
So yep, it all turned out well. =)

So yes, i'm going, i'm going!
Ugh. 7hrs of.... Bleahz.
Adios. =(

I'm gonna miss...

Van.

2005-12-14T03:10:00.000+11:00

Met up with Van today.
I missed that ger.
Had so much to talk about.
So much to gossip, bitch, complain...!
Literally talked or rather in her words,
we spoke to each other for hours. Ha.

It's been such a long time,
since I had a heart-to-heart talk...
with her, or rather anyone, besides one, of cos.
And for so long, I finally felt relieved, and released.

It's times like these,
that made me realise how impt friends are.
And how much I have been missing.
But of cos, no regrets.

Everything was in place today.
Everything felt good today.
*smiles*

Hey dear, I'll "cut & paste" the words I spoke today.
Whenever you need them,
I'm a call away! Ha.
Don't forget your assignment ya. =)

The case of the Ex.

2005-12-08T00:08:00.000+11:00

Have been shopping too much lately.
I'm officially down with a shopping-syndrome.
Excessive spending of money. *faints*
And I seriously need self-control!!
$500 - G-Star Jeans.
$120 - Zara Heels.
$800+ - DKNY.
What the hell... You don't realise it that much till....
Till... Actually, I nv realise I could actually spend that much.
But I did. And that's only the expenditure for the last 2 days!
Bugger! I've decided NOT to bring out my cards.
JUST cash. Yep. Hope this lasts...

I'm such a total spolit brat. Bleahz.
BUT! I love this damn feeling!
Glad to be one. Ha.
O wells, life can't be any better than the way it is now right?

So what's up tml...
Conversion of licence.
Lunch with mum & sis AGAIN...
THEN.. moving on to more shopping!
WooHoo.. Hey that's what my mum said ok.
NOT ME. (Not my fault!) *evil laughs*
____________________________________

To you (the unwanted guest or reader or whatever you are),

you know what? I have something you don't.
Something you will NOT have.
Something you can NEVER have.
So... BACK OFF.

2005-12-04T04:17:00.000+11:00

Taken during dinner today. Jap food filled me to the brim
and daddy still had to force this fried oyster down my throat.
My expression tells it all. Haha..

Pink is the new black.

2005-12-04T02:43:00.000+11:00

Peeps, my cell no. has once again revived!
Woohoo! Yeah I got over the loss of my phone le.
Finally. It has of cos been replaced by another love.
Lemme tell you, Pink is the new Black.
Not that I'm crazy over pink.
It has nv been my colour.
But lately, my world's so pink-ish.
One's totally amused by how pinkie I've turned into.
Eek, I feel like some bimbo. Bleahz.
But I'm only into it, cause it's just different.
At least for now.

Hmm! So yep. I just got home.
And guess what, I drove home!!
Nothing big a deal,
but my dad finally allowed me to drive.
Know how hard it is to freaking convince him.
Ugh, he just doesn't trust me la.
But he gave in, after much pleading.
He just fears that I'd ram the car into the drain.
Like HE did, when my granddaddy got him...
a SPORTS car for his first car...!!
Stupid him, what a waste! And it landed in the drain.
Ah haha. HEY, I'm different from him ok! Hrmp!

I need (no, rephrase, I WANT) to get...
- many many pairs of shoes, heels, pumps, whatever!
- a watch!! (desperate NEED + WANT)
- a bag... Many actually.
- pair of new jeans.
- a tan.

That's all for now.

Lost phone.

2005-12-03T00:35:00.000+11:00

Everything started out fine today.
Had my fav chicken rice @ Far East.
Went window shopping again.
Bought Saw II movie tickets.
All excited & ready to catch it.
Got into the cinema...
Then boom...
the worst thing that could ever happened.
I lost my cell. In the cabbie,
Although I tot I checked e cab b4 I alighted.
It's not the phone that I was upset or depressed about.
It was everything that it contained.
The messages, the pictures, the videos & the numbers.

My whole day went down the drain.
I cried several times like a crying baby, a spolit-brat...
It wasn't just the phone. Really.
Heart aches just thinking about it.
And I ended up quarreling with one,
Cause of my mood... Haiz.
I'm sorry dear...

Now, it all depends on Daddy,
on whether he's willing to get me a new one.
'Cause he might not.
Knowing him, he prolly wants to punish me for losing it.
He'd definitely say it's not the cost of the phone.
Doesn't matter how cheap it is,
it's the fact that you're not careful enough.
Blah, blah.. his principles.
Haiz. Let's just wait & see la huh.

So peeps, for now...
I'm officially uncontactable.